Why We Lie

Understanding why people lie is the crucial first step to becoming an expert liespotter. Whether the lie is the tiniest fib or the most staggering whopper, self-oriented or other-oriented, complex or simple, most acts of deception are generally inspired by one or more of nine motives. 

When playing offense, in sports or in life, we look to score points, advance our position, and back the other guy into a corner. Defense, by contrast, is all about protecting ourselves, holding our ground, minimizing pain or embarrassment. The lies we tell, in either situation, will be for one of the following reasons:

Offensive Motives

• To Obtain a Reward That’s Not Otherwise Easily Available.
• To Gain Advantage Over Another Person or Situation.
• To Create  Positive Impression and Win the Admiration of Others.
• To Exercise Power Over Others by Controlling Information.

Defensive Motives

• To Avoid Being Punished or to Avoid Embarrassment.
• To Protect Another Person from Being Punished.
• To Protect Yourself from the Threat of Physical or Emotional Harm.
• To Get Out of an Awkward Situation.
• To Maintain Privacy.

When it comes to identifying a lie, motive and context matter. A wink, for example, cannot be understood out of context. Motives such as protecting one’s privacy, avoiding harm, or dodging an awkward social situation are clearly more forgivable than others. By remembering these nine common reasons for lying, we better identify situations in which we need to turn up our liespotting radar. Keeping them in mind may also help us fight our own truth-stretching impulses.