Why Is Self-Awareness Important to Promote with our Clients?

There is a lot of hype about self-awareness. But what is self-awareness really?

When you think about it, self-awareness is that ability to look beyond your situation, to see yourself not in a first person view, but a in a third person view.

Self-awareness can be similar to what we call meta-cognition wherein we think about our thinking. With self-awareness, there is a part of us that looks into how we are doing.

Awareness is that ability to pay attention to things that happen around us, but self-awareness is that counterpart that looks inside of us. It is what keeps us reflecting regarding what transpired as we look back into the things we experienced.

Self-awareness even is included as an important element in developing emotional intelligence. Because emotionally intelligent people are also self-aware, they know how to keep their emotions intact. They know what emotions come about when their experiencing it. They are able to label their emotions thanks to the ability of self-awareness.

That is why promoting self-awareness is vital in our clients. Because when they become self-aware, you teach them to become self-sustaining to the point that they grow from the life coaching and so when they step into facing their challenges in life, they can handle it on their own, thanks to the participation of the life coach of course, but eventually they will have to stand up on their own, and being self-aware keeps their internal world in check.

There is a saying that the unexamined life is not worth living, and it is true, when one is low in self-awareness, they tend to become swayed by the movements of the external world that they become so consumed by it. They search answers that are outside of themselves, they resort to materialistic indulgence and escapes, when the answer all along remains inside.

I believe in that notion that all the client needs, the resources they have, is already within them. Because they won’t go this far if they didn’t, but at some point, they need someone to point out and help them draw upon those forgotten resources, and that’s the power of self-awareness, they are able to go inside of themselves, sift through their inventory, and draw upon what mental or emotional resources.

Promoting self-awareness begets self-sustenance. I believe in this saying, “Give a man a fish and he eats for a day; teach a man to fish and he eats for a lifetime.” And promoting self-awareness, we simply do not give the client a fish by directing them to do this and that or giving them task after task, but we awaken that part of them that is Awake. Self-awareness is awakening, it is self-sustenance, and it is where change begins, by understanding. When one is self-aware, they begin to produce insight after insight, because self-awareness is a never ending digging of life experiences—the “What is” and the “what if.”

A continuous refinement of one’s mental faculties. I end my essay with this quote from René Descartes:

“Cogito ergo sum. I think, therefore I am.”

Blank Slate

It’s been a while since I’ve posted something online, especially here on my personal blog website. Something personal that I can reflect and check myself on how my mind’s state is fairing throughout the day. It’s interesting though that I’ve somehow progressed a lot, compared to when I was still active before my hiatus. 

I’ve gained some experiences, credentials here and there, and it’s about time I share this, document the journey I undertake now that I’ve got myself my own internet connection.

I don’t much to say right now, but I’m determined to get consistent with this.

Will try posting once a week then let’s see how it unfolds from there.

7 NLP Meta-Programs for Understanding People

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” –  Carl Jung

In Neuro-Linguistic Programming or, NLP, meta-programs are the keys to the way you process information.

NLP meta-programs are basically how you form your internal representations and direct your behavior.

In Unlimited Power: The New Science Of Personal Achievement, Tony Robbins writes about meta-programs that people use to sort and make sense of the world.

7 NLP Meta-Programs

Here are the 7 NLP Meta-Programs

1. Toward or Away
2. External or Internal Frame of Reference
3. Sorting By Self or Sorting by Others
4. Matcher or Mismatcher
5. Convincer Strategy
6. Possibility vs. Necessity
7. Independent, Cooperative and Proximity Working Styles

1. Toward or Away NLP Meta Program

You can use this lens for understanding whether somebody drives from pain or gain.  You can also use this for looking at yourself.  Do you find that you move towards pleasure or away from pain?

Robbins writes:

“All human behavior revolves around the urge gain pleasure or avoid pain. You pull away from a lighted match in order to avoid the pain of burning your hand. You sit and watch a beautiful sunset because you get pleasure from the glorious celestial show as day glides into night.”

2. External or Internal Frame of Reference NLP Meta-Program

If you ever give a compliment and it seems like somebody doesn’t believe you, it might be because they are using an internal frame of reference.  You also can check this in yourself.  For example, do you put more stock in how you rate your performance or do you look to feedback from others?

Robbins writes:

“Ask someone else how he know when he’s done a good job. For some people, the proof comes from the outside. The boss pats you on the back and says your work was great. You get a raise. You win a big award. Your work is noticed and applauded by your peers.

When you get that sort of external approval, you know your work is good. That’s an external frame of reference.  For others, the proof comes from inside. They ‘just know inside’ when they’ve done well.”

3. Sorting By Self or Sorting by Others NLP Meta-Program

In this case, do you first think about what’s in it for you, or do you think about what’s in it for others?

Robbins writes:

“Some people look at human interactions primarily in terms of what’s in it for them personally, some in terms of what they can do for themselves or others.

Of course, people don’t always fall into one extreme or the other. If you sort only by self, you become a self-absorbed egotist. If you sort only by others, you become a martyr.”

4. Matcher or Mis-matcher NLP Meta-Program

If you ever find somebody that always seems to have to disagree with you, now you know why.

Robbins writes:

“This meta-program determines how you sort information to learn, understand, and the like. Some people respond to the world by finding sameness. They look at things and see what they have in common.

They’re matchers.

Other people are mis-matchers — difference people. There are two kinds of them. One type looks at the world and sees how things are different … The other kind of mis-matcher sees differences with exceptions. He’s like a matcher who finds sameness with exceptions in reverse – he sees the differences first, and then he’ll add the things they have in common.”

5. Convincer Strategy NLP Meta-Program

This meta-program involves what it takes to convince someone of something.

Robbins writes:

“The convincer strategy has two parts. To figure out what consistently convinces someone, you must first find out what sensory building blocks he needs to become convinced, and then you must discover how often he has to receive these stimuli before becoming convinced.”

6. Possibility vs. Necessity NLP Meta-Program

You might know some people that are minimalists or you might be a minimalist yourself, and focus on just what you need.  On the other hand, you might be a seeker and always looking to expand your opportunities and possibilities.

Robbins writes:

“Ask someone why he went to work for his present company or why he bought  his current car or house. Some people are motivated primarily by necessity, rather than by what they want. They do something because they must.

They’re not pulled to take action by what is possible. They’re not looking for infinite varieties of experience. They go through life taking what comes and what is available. When they need a new job or a new house or a new car or even a new spouse, they go out and accept what is available.  ‘

Others are motivated to look for possibilities. They’re motivated less by what they have to do than by what they want to do. They seek options, experiences, choices, paths.”

7. Independent, Cooperative and Proximity Working Styles NLP Meta-Program

By understanding this pattern, you can figure out where your most enjoyable work environments would be.

Robbins writes:

“Everyone has his own strategy for work. Some people are not happy unless they’re independent. They have great difficulty working closely with other people and can’t work well under a great deal of supervision. They have to run their own show.

Others function best as a part of a group. We call their strategy a cooperative one. They want to share responsibility for any task they take on. Still others have a proximity strategy, which is somewhere in between. They prefer to work with other people while maintaining a sole responsibility for a task. They’re in charge but not alone.“

Additional Considerations

Robbins provides the following suggestions:

1. All NLP meta-programs are context-and stress-related
2. There are two ways to change NLP meta-programs. One is from a significant emotional event.   The other way you can change is by consciously deciding to do so.
3. Use NLP meta-programs on two levels. The first is a tool to calibrate and guide your communication with others. The second is a tool for personal change.
4. Constantly gauge and calibrate the people around you. Take note of specific patterns they have for perceiving their world and begin to analyze if others have similar patterns.
5. Through this approach you can develop a whole set of distinctions about people that can empower you in knowing how to communicate effectively with all types of people.
6. Become a student of possibility. NLP Meta-programs give you the tools to make crucial distinctions in deciding how to deal with people. You are not limited to the meta-programs discussed here.

Key Take Aways

Here are my key take aways:

• Use meta-programs to understand yourself and others. Meta-programs helps you understand how people sort and make sense of the world. They also help you understand your own values, beliefs and behaviors.
• Remember that people use a blend of meta-programs. It’s not this or that, it’s a spectrum of possibilities. It’s a tool for understanding how or why people behave and adapting your own behaviors to improve communication. They aren’t a tool for stereo-typing or pigeon-holing.
• Change your own limiting meta-programs. If you have a way of processing the world that’s limiting your success, find a way to consciously adapt. Identifying your own meta-programs you use is a start. Once you have awareness, you can see how this shows up.

Ultimately, I think knowing how people work, helps bridge gaps.  

It can also lead you to self-understanding and the better you know yourself, the better you can drive yourself.

Dynamic Mental Imagery (DMI) with NLP-Based Hypotherapy Meta-Program Intervention

The client is a 31 year old male, graduate of web design, but not much experience. The client contacted me because he felt that was not able to find a job, he’s been rejected a lot of times before and he wonders what’s keeping him from getting a job. He’s a guy with lots of ideas in mind and loves to learn new things, he even has a collection of books. He is quite ambitious and thinks of himself as a king, but he felt that there’s a mismatch between his desire and his current state. He thought that something is preventing him from becoming the king he is. He has plans to create a startup company that will eventually become a source of passive income for his daily living. Though he has the plans, he fails to implement or even act on it which he grows increasingly frustrated about. He always resorts to going back to learning new things by reading books and watching video tutorial, however not much done after his study. The client is not socially oriented and likes to keep to himself, preferring few circles of people. He was previously taken advantage of by people he considered his friends, but betrayed him in the past. He has incurred a lot of debt, and aims to pay it by looking to find a work, but his solution seems to stop him due to his belief that something is preventing him. He thought that it must be his challenge in articulating himself during interviews, or that was he’s too honest to the point of undermining his chances, and also his frankness for preferring to be by himself.

INTERVENTION:

During my interview of my client, I was able to discern what his meta-program characteristics are.

1.       In a spectrum, he is more of contemplative, living inside his head.

2.       He is an in-time person, because when asked about where his past is, he pointed behind him, pointed in his current place for the present, and pointed forward for the future.

3.       He is highly an independent type, preferring to go solo, instead of being a team player.

4.       The client appears to be a several times person, because he tends to repeat how he’s rejected and keeps on wondering over the same idea.

5.       He is a general type of person, preferring the big picture, talking about his plans of startup, but lacks the attention to detail, to focus on the necessary steps to take.

6.       He prefers to see things as matching, seeing that there’s a misalignment of his ambitions and desires to his current state which leaves him frustrated.

7.       An internal type of person who is more focused in what feels inside, what he thinks as his point of reference instead of other people.

8.       He’s a “towards” type of person who desires to achieve his dreams, instead of the fear of lack of security. His primary motivation is to get closer to his dreams.

During the initial interview, he told me how being bullied in the past prevented him from reaching out to other people and that his achievements are unrecognized because of it and it led him to develop a low self-esteem. He describes himself as a generous person, but often taken advantage of others, some borrowing money from him, but not paying him back. He developed this yearning to become king that will be recognized for his achievements, but in his current state, he has not achieved much. He spent most of his time with his former partner and that became the source of income for him since he gets a share of earnings from his partner’s company. When they separated, he was left with nothing. He went back to his parent’s house as his safety net, but he became dissatisfied with this situation and decided to look for a job.

His attempts in applying for a job that’s relevant to his field entailed with several rejections continued to lower his self-esteem. I noticed on this part going forward that his meta-program of internal and external suddenly shifted and became externally draw due to the fact that he was asking for validation from other people, especially his friends, on what actions to take. He then resorted to the occult, by visiting psychics to help make predictions of his future. He has taken their words as gospel, jumping from one psychic to another. He became confused because the predictions are contradictory in nature, for one, he was told that his would be partner would be from a different country, and another is that it’s from his homeland. He also depended his financial future by betting on the lottery, but spent most of his money on it and ended up reducing his financial resources with nothing in return received.

I decided that the approach here would be NLP-Based Hypnotherapy wherein meta-programs would be included in his dynamic mental imagery technique combined with VAKOG to enrich the senses. I first induced him into trance with a sensory overload hand drop induction. I made sure that he relaxed himself, physically as well as mentally. I told him that he’d be able to communicate with me even in trance.

I first applied anchor of safety in method of sanctuary, telling him that he will be safe knowing that he feels the chair and my hand on his shoulder. We then proceeded with dynamic mental imagery by making him imagine his most safest place that he knows, I asked VAKOG questions, like what was he seeing, he described me of a room, that it’s morning time, and the sound of birds chirping, it feels like room temperate, and smells like cinnamon according to him. After enriching his senses through VAKOG, I suggested that a passage or portal will appear somewhere inside of that room that will take him to another place. I asked him to stand in front of the portal and will be counting 1 to 10 and at the count of 10, he will be in a new place.

I counted 1 to 10 and we reached a new place. I asked VAK questions so that he can be oriented to the place. He told me that he sees a labyrinth, and there are appearances of ghost like figures that’s scaring him, the time appears to be nearing dusk. Then I asked him something will appear out of nowhere and will instantly catch his attention. He told me that he’s seeing a piece of feather, colored orange, and asked him to interact with it. He picked it up. Then he told me that a passage appeared within the labyrinth and it showed a castle.

He went towards the front of the castle and saw someone was sitting on a throne and told me that he saw Zeus. He was amazed by the kingly might. Then he saw two goblets beside Zeus with flames inside, then the light of the goblet interacted with the fear he is holding then he noticed the feather became a sword. He felt a sense of empowerment by holding his sword. Then he decided to come back to the ghosts and started slashing them with his sword until the ghosts disappeared. I asked him if there’s still anything he notices and told me that it’s already done for him in that place.

I told him that a portal will appear and he has to ready himself in front of it and I will be counting 10 to 1 and at the count of 1, he will return back to his place of safety. I started counting 10 and when we reached 1, we reached his sanctuary.

He told me that the place changed and it became more of like a palace, he notices how knights and serves are bowing to him and waiting for his command. He felt safe and empowered at the same time. I then told him that I’ll be counting 1 to 3 and at the count of 3, open his eyes feeling fully refreshed, relax, and alert, feeling wonderful.

When he opened his eyes, he felt great. He feels a sense of empowerment after the dynamic mental imagery. We then decided to anchor that state of empowerment and confidence by tapping him on the right arm where he said he was wielding the feather turned sword. I asked him to close his eyes and nod when he feels it’s at its peak and then tap on the arm then ask him to open his eyes. We installed an anchor from his resource.

I then explained to him that with his confidence, he can now start to put action into his plans instead of being stuck in his ivory tower where he’s always been planning. And although he is a solo type of person, explaining him that having his royal guards, advisers, and servants, would mean that he must learn to cooperate, coordinate, and manage people being the king that he desires to be. And I keep repeating how the king he is, how he gained that new confidence to fight his ghosts, because knowing that he is a several times person, and the subconscious mind loves repetition and association after all. I praised his orientation for being a big picture thinker, and that being able to delegate task to others will enable him to push forth his visions and dreams, seeing the big picture, the events that will transpire 5 years from now when he begins today to take action. And in turn, this will match his expectation of the future and state he is in, by changing the present, he can predict the future. This will eventually be fulfilling for himself and will gain the recognition of the people he cares about, the validation he needs, he will be able to receive. And finally, his inclination towards his dreams will enable him to become closer to his future that he aspires. I then made him imagine a circle, like a place of kingly power, like the Zeus he observed sitting on his throne, that power he can have by stepping inside that orange circle. And whenever he needs the boost, I asked him to practice it daily so that it becomes even more emotionally charged, accepted through his reticular activating system.

This new found confidence and an alignment to his vision equipped with the desire to act will sustain his pursuit in finding a job. And follow up sessions and even coaching calls would help supplement to solidify the transformation he has gained.

Love Letter to my Wonderwoman

Dear Wonderwoman,

You’re an answered prayer and I hope you already know that, if not, I’ll remind you anyway—each and everyday. I may not be the one with the sharpest memory, but I know how you prefer the color white, that Beautiful in White and This I Promise You are songs you want to being played on our wedding, and how you swoon on the voice of Kaye Cal to boot; that you cannot last a week without eating veggies on your diet, that you feel you haven’t eaten without having rice on your breakfast, lunch, and dinner, anything less than rice wouldn’t do.

You’re someone who does not ask for much, you don’t even demand of anything at all, and for that I believe you deserve everything. I recall you told me about going to school when you were little, how many miles you’d walk from your house to your school, just so you can learn from your lessons in class. How much you’ve endured from the backstabbing of the envious, how they wished your fall, but instead you soar.

And I’m utterly thankful, that you chose me, amongst all the powerful, the resourceful, the wealthy, the handsome, how they were desperate for you, their eyes are all on you, but your eyes we’re focused on mine. What is it that you found in me? For all I know, I am for you.

I am committed to you, my Wonderwoman.

Whatever struggles we will face, we’ll weather the storm; together, we can make it. No matter how hard it will get, we’ll stay. There’s no perfect relationship. Perfection isn’t meant for humans. But the power of rising up in every fall is what makes us who we are, and we can do it together. There’s no such thing as a lone genius, and it goes the same for success, you need a team, we’re a team, we have each other’s back. I’m for you and you’re for me.

You’re more than what I could ask for, my Wonderwoman. You’re that longing, that prayer kept inside, that has been answered. Remember how serendipitous our moments together are? Even from afar, we do get the reminder.

There are so many things about you that I am yet to discover, your inner map of the world is as vast as the universe, light years away.

And I’m in surrender to God’s amazing grace, for He created such a beautiful person, you deserves all the love, my Wonderwoman.

I may not be the perfect boyfriend, I have my fair share of shortcomings, but I won’t let it win, I’m not my past, I am my choices here and now, and I choose to commit to you. I am committed to you.

When all hope is lost, always remember our song, “there’s a rainbow always after the rain,” notice how much hope it gives. According to Pope Alexander, “Hope springs eternal in the human breast.”

And I have Hope, you’re my Hope that has become my Home. With you is where I’d rather be, constantly.

Love,
Your Superman